We're Just Talking

He’s talking to her. She’s obviously flirting, yet you watch him engage with her, hanging on her every word. He doesn’t give You that much attention. So you confront him and he says “WHAT???…we were just talking?” or “She’s my friend, we go way back.” Next thing we know, we are bashing with girlfriends on how men are such dogs! We’ve seen it, read about it, and even experienced it first hand! However, do we engage in similar fashion? Do we think that when we engage in conversation with a male, no matter how innocent, that they can get the impression that we want something more than friendship? Uh-ooh…maybe what we think is not what men are thinking at all! *With my magnifying glass in tow*…let’s investigate!

We all know when flirtatious bantering between the sexes occurs. The conversation goes in a specific direction and before you know it, numbers are exchanged and we’re nervous about our first date…Duh? That’s not what I am referring to. I’m talking about a simple conversation. One that could be about the man on the moon, but you are continuing a conversation with your male counterpart, which to a male can be considered flirting or an opportunity to get a date or more…hmmm. Eye contact, open gestures with your hands, FB IM’s *about the man on the moon* could all be considered flirting to a male and “just talk” to a woman! Believe me…I have been fooled by this phenomenon as well. I would be thinking that I’m just having a normal conversation with a male, but they can be thinking a whole other thing…

What are men thinking?
Arthur, age 41…”It doesn’t take much for a man to think that a women’s into him. Just her indulgence is enough, no matter how simple that conversation may be.” In fact, if your texting, IM, emailing, it could be making the matter worse. You know why? Because body language, tone of voice, eye contact cannot be interpreted in those forms of communication. For example, if I texted…”Hey, I love tennis, what about you?”…that sounds like something simple to interpret. But to us that may mean, exactly what it says…but to a male it could mean, she wants to go out with me to play tennis…and he may proceed down that road. In the meantime, we are saying…huh? I just was saying I like tennis, not that I want to go out with you!!! I don’t even know if I like you?? Ahmmm…awkward!!!

Dennis, age 51… "Women believe they can say and/or do just about anything they want and we are expected to know exactly what they mean….women plain and simple never say what they mean!  Most of the time, we end up confused because they say one thing, but mean another.” This has been a consistent complaint about us! They feel we play “head games” with them and it’s hard to read what it is actually going on in our heads. I don’t believe we mean to be confusing, at least not all of us. However, they do have a point. Instead of getting straight to the point…we will engage in long soliloquies that may end up giving the wrong impression! *Sigh*…But Can we fix it? Yes we can!

We can have conversation(s) with men who we know for a time and have established a common thought of friendship. Lines seldom get blurred and we can pretty much dodge the bullet of confusion! On the other hand, stay away from conversation with males you don’t know too well and have no desire to get to know better. If you are in a committed relationship, you should take even greater precautions! Refrain from engaging in any conversation with a male who may seem interested in you. Remember just by talking, you might be instigating romance. Even if you feel your conversation is blocking any advances, the reality is you may be attracting the very thing you are trying to dismiss! If you’re on a social network site and a male you don’t know IM’s/inboxes you, it’s ok if you do not respond! They will get the message! If it is someone you do know…simply get to the point! Let him know you’re not interested, if he persists…Delete, Delete, and Delete!!!
Good food for thought…I know I’m going to eat my own words!

Got something to say…Holla at cha Shalagurl

*Names used are fictitious in order keep identities private*
Disclaimer: The information in this or any other blog is based on findings on how most men feel and their personal experiences.