What Are You Thinking...Mistah?: Dating In The Dark

What Are You Thinking...Mistah?: Dating In The Dark: "Well…well…this is not unusual. She’s gorgeous! The guys are gawking and she definitely has their attention. There’s “confidence ” written al..."

Dating In The Dark

Well…well…this is not unusual. She’s gorgeous! The guys are gawking and she definitely has their attention. There’s “confidence” written all over her and she has curves to die for! She’s the one who gets approached. The one who gets asked out and introduced to his friends! Wait, but then there’s her. She has a beautiful mind, a big heart, intellectual and funny! She puts him at ease. He always has fun when she’s around, she has great stimulating conversation and he really likes her. However, her appearance is…ah…let just say, lack-luster! Let’s face it. I’ve heard that men put a great deal of emphasis on the way a woman looks. Her appearance can significantly influence whether she’s put on full display or cloaked in dating darkness. Oh my, is this true? Is there only room for beauty, none for brains in a man’s world? I can’t help it…I have to know, so let’s go!

It’s a known fact that women consistently compete with each other. We are always sizing each other up, looking each other up and down. We even have attitude with someone we don’t even know simply by the way she looks! We make comments *either to ourselves or to our girlfriends*…like”she thinks she’s all that” or “she’s such a B*****,” humph… you fill in the blank! I think this behavior boils down to how much attention she’s getting from a man.

What are you thinking…Mistah?
Franklin, age 25 says…”Date if she’s not attractive??…questionable, but guys will screw her if she’s ugly.”
Kelvin James…48 says…”Beauty and brains are necessary.”
AND
Nathan, age 42 says….”Beauty and shape are very high on the list as we are visual creatures….if we are looking for a relationship we will lower beauty/body standard for a good relationship (mostly mature men)! Definitely like confidence. As for meeting our boys, SHE HAS TO REPRESENT OR WE WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES…WHAT OUR BOYS THINK REALLY MATTERS. IT IS ALL ABOUT EGO!”

Whoa…does that mean there are men dating women in the dark? This mindset was depicted on an episode of “The Game”…Hosea Chanchez’s character, Malik Wright, refused to take a "Thick" sistah out to dinner because he was afraid of what his boys would say! Mmmmhmmm…yes, I believe this very thing happens in real life ladies! But do ALL men feel this way? Is there redemption in the dating camp?

What are you thinking…Mistah?
Ian, age 42 says…“My women must be able to stimulate my mind 1st before anything else. I love sex appeal and again she has to know how to work it and flaunt it…and of course she has to have that embedded love for God, a personal on going relationship with Him.”

Oh my…there’s more…

Kevin, age 35 says…”Dagg, I would have to get used to her first…I want to be able to do it automatically…however I love brains!”
Sam, age 49 says... “She could look like Halle Berry on the outside and be a nut on the inside. Looks are ok but very expensive! I don’t worry about my boys; I make my own decisions about women.”

Well, well… so there is some light at the end of the darkened tunnel! So I will conclude by saying our “beauty” is not only determined by outward appearance. I think most men will do a combination of beauty, brains and confidence. If they are unwilling to introduce you to their friends/family, then YOU define your worth! Remember you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God. There is no need to compete… just stay sweet, strong and sexy in your own beautiful way! Do your best to be stylish and sophisticated…it goes a long way! And…please…don’t worry, HE will happen when you least expect it! AMEN?

Got something to say…Holla at cha Shalagurl! SMOOCHES!

*Names used are fictitious in order keep identities private*
Disclaimer: The information in this or any other blog is based on findings on how most men feel and personal experience regarding men.

We're Just Talking

He’s talking to her. She’s obviously flirting, yet you watch him engage with her, hanging on her every word. He doesn’t give You that much attention. So you confront him and he says “WHAT???…we were just talking?” or “She’s my friend, we go way back.” Next thing we know, we are bashing with girlfriends on how men are such dogs! We’ve seen it, read about it, and even experienced it first hand! However, do we engage in similar fashion? Do we think that when we engage in conversation with a male, no matter how innocent, that they can get the impression that we want something more than friendship? Uh-ooh…maybe what we think is not what men are thinking at all! *With my magnifying glass in tow*…let’s investigate!

We all know when flirtatious bantering between the sexes occurs. The conversation goes in a specific direction and before you know it, numbers are exchanged and we’re nervous about our first date…Duh? That’s not what I am referring to. I’m talking about a simple conversation. One that could be about the man on the moon, but you are continuing a conversation with your male counterpart, which to a male can be considered flirting or an opportunity to get a date or more…hmmm. Eye contact, open gestures with your hands, FB IM’s *about the man on the moon* could all be considered flirting to a male and “just talk” to a woman! Believe me…I have been fooled by this phenomenon as well. I would be thinking that I’m just having a normal conversation with a male, but they can be thinking a whole other thing…

What are men thinking?
Arthur, age 41…”It doesn’t take much for a man to think that a women’s into him. Just her indulgence is enough, no matter how simple that conversation may be.” In fact, if your texting, IM, emailing, it could be making the matter worse. You know why? Because body language, tone of voice, eye contact cannot be interpreted in those forms of communication. For example, if I texted…”Hey, I love tennis, what about you?”…that sounds like something simple to interpret. But to us that may mean, exactly what it says…but to a male it could mean, she wants to go out with me to play tennis…and he may proceed down that road. In the meantime, we are saying…huh? I just was saying I like tennis, not that I want to go out with you!!! I don’t even know if I like you?? Ahmmm…awkward!!!

Dennis, age 51… "Women believe they can say and/or do just about anything they want and we are expected to know exactly what they mean….women plain and simple never say what they mean!  Most of the time, we end up confused because they say one thing, but mean another.” This has been a consistent complaint about us! They feel we play “head games” with them and it’s hard to read what it is actually going on in our heads. I don’t believe we mean to be confusing, at least not all of us. However, they do have a point. Instead of getting straight to the point…we will engage in long soliloquies that may end up giving the wrong impression! *Sigh*…But Can we fix it? Yes we can!

We can have conversation(s) with men who we know for a time and have established a common thought of friendship. Lines seldom get blurred and we can pretty much dodge the bullet of confusion! On the other hand, stay away from conversation with males you don’t know too well and have no desire to get to know better. If you are in a committed relationship, you should take even greater precautions! Refrain from engaging in any conversation with a male who may seem interested in you. Remember just by talking, you might be instigating romance. Even if you feel your conversation is blocking any advances, the reality is you may be attracting the very thing you are trying to dismiss! If you’re on a social network site and a male you don’t know IM’s/inboxes you, it’s ok if you do not respond! They will get the message! If it is someone you do know…simply get to the point! Let him know you’re not interested, if he persists…Delete, Delete, and Delete!!!
Good food for thought…I know I’m going to eat my own words!

Got something to say…Holla at cha Shalagurl

*Names used are fictitious in order keep identities private*
Disclaimer: The information in this or any other blog is based on findings on how most men feel and their personal experiences.

Men and Child Support....What's Your View?

What do men think when losing custody of their children during a divorce or even a child born out of wedlock? Does child support become the mainline in which a man can continue his relationship with his children?
Ok…Slow you roll…don’t get your panties in a bunch here ladies!!! I am talking about men who have no problem with the laws set in place by the judicial system. The ones who want nothing more than to make sure his kids are taken care of financially! Yes…there ARE men out there like that; and they feel that women can use this system to their advantage! Now that we have that straighten out…may I continue?

Many women may feel that they are empowered by controlling the undesirable circumstances surrounding a divorce…or breakup…you choose; in order to take their exes to the bank. Some even try to control certain outcomes by using their children as collateral. However, these men think that this is an unfair advantage, especially those who have a strong connection with their children.
“How”…. you say, when they have these fair laws in place…how can it be bias to the custodial parent you might ask?

Well most reliable men might say the judicial system automatically sway towards the woman to raise the child! There’s like a “get kid free card” out there and they have no clue where to get one! Hmmm…let’s just think about that for a moment. If the man is more equipped in raising his children, shouldn’t he at least get a fair shot at getting custody of his children…press pause and marinate!

What Are Men Thinking?
Larry…Male, 42 says…“While necessary, I believe the judicial system is more favorable to women. There are many men who have no problem paying child support because they love and want the best for their children. It becomes an issue when fathers are not allowed to see their children or even communicate with them, if they're a few cents short!! It also becomes an issue, when child support is not used for the children, but to fund a certain lifestyle."

Bottom-line…These men just want fairness in monetary distribution and in sharing time with their children!! Many men say the laws are written in a way that they can no longer support themselves. I believe fairness can be achieved if we take SELF out of the equation. Create a balance that is targeted to the best interest of our children. Divorce, separation and breakups are not optimal for any family; however, I believe we can meet the needs of all concerned with love, kindness and goodness as the head of our decision making!!

Got something to say…Holla at cha Shalagurl! SMOOCHES!

*Names used are fictitious in order keep identities private*
Disclaimer: The information in this or any other blog is based on findings on how most men feel and personal experience regarding men.

Are You in a Relationship with a Person or your Cellphone?

So, you really do like him...but are you always getting his voicemail? Does he call you right back when he misses your call or are you calling several times in a row until you get him? Hmmmmm.... The cellphone can be a handy gadget to engage in conversation, but ladies, do we sometime treat this efficient accessibility as a relationship? We are having a love affair with voicemail and making googly eyes at our text messages! OMG...STOP!!!!
What Are Men Thinking: "The phone can be used as a means of introduction, but I can't actual grow a relationship with it."... *Sam, 42yr old male* In my own experience and that of others, I realize that phone calls with males do not necessarily mean there is an intimate connection. Ok, ok…you may say…”well I know this guy who just will not stop calling me, what does that mean?”
What do Men say: “Well it can be meant as a booty call! We are hunters; we will call until we break a woman down. Or we may really like her…it depends. Usually if we like her we will ask her out and depending on our conversation/connection, things may go further. Not all conversations will end in a serious intimate relationship though.”…32 yr old male...Anonymous
Beware of the Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend factor: In my experience the phone calls had a lot to do with ego. Yes sometimes there can be restoration of a relationship; but watch the timing on that, ladies. If time keeps tickin, tickin into the future and he has not gotten further than the seven digits…time to seek greener pastures, gurl!
In closing, I believe when God created women, he meant for the man to introduce love and relationship to her. After all, he was the first one to encountered perfect love through his relationship with God. Let's give our men an opportunity to find us. What should we do? Be prepared! Be beautiful, vibrate, intelligent, God-fearing and sexy! I'm tellin you, no man can resist a women that is EVERY WOMEN! And in the exuberant words of my sista friend, Glenda..."Your celly should be a supplement, not a nutrient!"
Holla at cha Shalagurl with a comment...SMOOCHES!

*The name used is factious in order keep his identity to private*
Disclaimer: The information in this or any other blog are based on findings on how most men feel and personal experience regarding men.